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Sven Hoek (transcript)

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(Stimpy is sitting on the floor and Ren is sitting in a chair) (A great deal of time passes while neither character moves)

Stimpy: (drooling) Duuuhhhuhh.....

(Ren looks at Stimpy)

Ren: You're an eediot. I am so SICK of your stupidity.

(Ren looks at a picture of himself and his cousin Sven as newborn puppies)

Ren: Thank heavens my cousin Sven is coming to visit. I still remember the days when Sven and I were in the Whelping Box together. I can hardly wait to have an intellectual conversation again.

(Stimpy hears his watch buzzing)

Stimpy: Uhh, excuse me Ren! It's time for my appointment.

(Stimpy walks over to a garage door, inserts a quarter, and gets kicked by a horse.)

(Stimpy flies towards the left and crashes into the floor and begins to move frantically.)

Stimpy: (Blubbers, laughs) (Laughs, blubbers) Haaaaheee...

(Ren stomps over to Stimpy with a baseball bat)

Ren: (Angrily) THAT'S IT! I've had enough of your tomfoolery!

(Ren hears the doorbell, Ren throws baseball bat offscreen)

Ren: (Happily) Cousin Sven! He's here! Now you're gonna meet a dog with real breeding. He's a Hoek. He's got my blood.

Ren: At last! Cousin, come in! Say something intelligent.

Sven (facing away from Ren): Dahhh... he is Ollie, you are Sven. He is Ollie, you are Sven.

Ren: Sven, get in here, you old yak gelder! I want you to meet my friend Stimpy. He's an eediot.

Stimpy: Waah...

Ren: Stimpy, say hello to a superior creature.

Stimpy: Duhh, hello superior creature.

Sven: (facing away from Stimpy) Dahhh...he is Ollie, you are Sven. He is Ollie, you are Sven.

Ren: Is that the face of intelligence or what? (Angrily; noticing that Sven is still facing the wrong way) Turn around, you sick little monkey!!

(Ren spins Sven Hoek to face forward)

(Sven and Stimpy are happy, and Ren is staring at the camera)

Sven: Hiee...

Stimpy: Hahhh...

Sven: Hoo-

Stimpy: Weee...

Sven: Waaah....

Stimpy: Wee..

Sven: Hooo...

Stimpy: Wa-

Sven And Stimpy: Waaaahhh...

(Ren looks perplexed)

Ren: I'll go get some refreshments. (Talks to Stimpy from offscreen) Stimpy, help Sven unpack.

Stimpy: Duuhhh, okay!

(Sven rummages through his trunk)

Sven: Ah, duh, you are my new friend. I share mit you.

Stimpy: Say, what's that?

Sven: It's my jar of spit. I've been saving it since I was a child.

Stimpy: You saved your spit? Wait here, I wanna show you something!

Stimpy: Look, it's my magic nose goblins.

Sven: Yiminy!

Stimpy: I picked them myself.

Sven: (Offscreen) Ja, und I finally get a good look at them. (Deleted scene)

Sven: Look what I have for you.

Stimpy: Wow! What is it?

Sven: It's my ball of Band-Aids, I saved every Band-Aid I ever used. This one's from 1962!

Stimpy: Joy!

(Band-Aid falls off Stimpy's nose to the floor)

Stimpy: Whoops! Duhh, I'll get it!

(After Stimpy bends over to pick up the Band-Aid, his peanut-sized brain falls out on the floor)

Sven: What's that?

Stimpy: Oh, that's just my brain. It's always falling out.

Sven: Willikers, it's so big!

Stimpy: I know.

(Stimpy puts his brain back in his head)

Sven: You want to see mine?

Stimpy: Okay!

(Sven pulls his pea-sized brain out of his ear with tweezers)

Stimpy: Wow.

(Ren walks in singing and carrying a platter of drinks.)

(Ren sees Stimpy and Sven and screams.)

Stimpy: Hey, Ren! Your cousin is the coolest! We're Lodge Brothers! We're both belong to the Royal Order Of Stupids.

Sven: Yah, und now, we show you our secret handshake.

(Sven bites on Stimpy's balloon glove and Sven's glove inflates 3 times)

(Ren kicks himself in the head 3 times.) (fade to black)

(Ren is going to work)

(Ren hears Sven and Stimpy laughing and is immediately enraged)

(Sven makes a funny face and Stimpy laughs)

Stimpy: Give Me!

(Stimpy makes a funny face and Sven laughs)

(Sven and Stimpy laugh, and the maniacal laugh is heard)

Ren: Now CUT THAT OUT!! I'm going to work now. So don't do anything stupid!

(Ren slams the door)

(Sven and Stimpy scream happily)

Stimpy: Let's play Seek and Hide!

Sven: Okay!

(Stimpy runs off and hides)

Sven: Nine...eleven...K...fjord...one yundred! Okay, here I coming!

(Sven looks around)

Sven: (Sing-song voice) I'm looking for you now! I'm finding you!

Stimpy: (Offscreen, sing-song voice) I'm hiding in the cloooooset! Like an iiiiidiot!

(Sven opens a closet door, Stimpy is in the kitty litter box)

Sven: Hey! What is this beautiful thing?

Stimpy: Duuhh, it's my first material possession.

Sven: EEEE!! Can I have some?

Stimpy: Sure. Hop in.

(Sven jumps in the litter box with Stimpy)

Sven: Stimpy...(without accent) I love this!

Stimpy: I know!

(Stimpy looks at the camera)

Stimpy: HEY, this is private!

(Sven slams the closet door)

Sven: What shall we do now?

Stimpy: I know! Let's play circus! Look at me, I am a juggler!

Sven: And I am a bearded lady.

Stimpy: And I'm a sword swallower. Waaaa- OOF! (Gulps) Whoops.

(Sven and Stimpy giggle)

(Stimpy and Sven are looking at rainy day outside)

Stimpy: Ahh, I hate rainy days.

Sven: Ja, und me too.

Stimpy: I know, let's play a game!

(Stimpy looks for a board game to play)

Stimpy: Hmm... let's see, there's Scribble, and Gamey, and Monotony, and Pure Cheesy...Misery Date.

Sven: These are boring games.

Stimpy: Joy!

Sven: Yoy!

Sven and Stimpy: It's the funnest game in the whole wide world! "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!"

Commercial jingle: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!

Stimpy: You set up the board and I'll go plug in the fence.

(Stimpy plugs in the cord)

(Sven and Stimpy are excited)

(Sven puts the dice in his nose)

Sven: Eight! One, six, yerteen...eight! Duhh, your turn, brother Stimpy!

(Lightning flashes, Ren looks at the dirt everywhere in the living room)

Ren: (Angry) Grrrrr, I KNEW IT! Cat dirt EVERYWHERE!

(Ren's blood boils, but then he gets calm)

Ren: (Happily) Well, at least I'm home. Now I can follow my intellectual pursuits.

(Ren Walks On, Ren Shocked And Sees The Opera Records Sticks In Bubble Gum)

Ren: MY OPERA RECORDS... GOOBERED IN BUBBLEGUM!!!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!

(Ren sniffs sadly, then looks shocked at the bug collection in the sink)

Ren: MY COLLECTION OF RARE... INCURABLE... DISEASES!!!!!! VIOLATED!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

(Ren looks shocked at dinosaur droppings)

Ren: MY DINOSAUR DROPPINGS PAINTED LIKE EASTER EGGS!!!!

(Sven and Stimpy play Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence)

Ren: (Angry, Offscreen) AAAAAH!!!!!! YOU EEDIOTS!!!

(Ren angrily stomps to Sven and Stimpy, who walk backwards, bonking the wall)

Ren: YOOOOOU....

(Ren pokes Sven's eye)

Ren: BOTH OF YOOOOOU.......

(Ren shakes with fury, then becomes ominously calm)

Ren: Oh what I'm gonna do to you.

(Ren is nervously evil)

Ren: (Pant, Pant, Pant) I'm so ANGRY!! First... I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. (restored scene) And then... I'm gonna.... GOUGE your eyes out. Yeah!.... That's what I'm gonna do.

Stimpy: (Sniffs) We don't like this, Ren.

Sven: Ya, you scary us!

Ren: Yeah, you're scared, huh? Next... I'm gonna... T-t-t-t-t... T-t-TTT..... TEAR your arms out of the sockets!

(Stimpy and Sven whimper)

Ren: And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall.... And I'm gonna look down and I'm gonna laugh.

(Stimpy and Sven cry softly, and shake in fear)

Ren: But first...

(Stimpy and Sven gasp)

Ren: FIRST.... (Calmly) I've gotta take a whiz.

(Stimpy and Sven are shocked)

Ren: Don't you go anywhere. You... Stay... Right... Here. Right... On... This... Spot.

Ren: I'll be back!

(Ren angrily stomps off and steps over the "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence" board game, then notices it and turns around.)

Ren: What's this stupid thing?!

Stimpy: (Cheerfully) It's a game, Ren!

Sven: Ya, it's really fun!

(Ren takes a long look at the game, looks at them, and grins evilly.)

Ren: Oh, ya like this game?

Stimpy: Oh yeah, Ren!

Sven: We love it!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Do you really like it?

Stimpy and Sven: It's our favorite game in the whole world!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game! Then how do you like thees?!

(Ren produces a fly on his crotch and unzips it. Stimpy and Sven gasp as Ren urinates all over the game. The resulting electric explosion blows the house to smithereens, sending Ren, Stimpy, and Sven to Hell. Satan greets them with a jovial wag of the finger.)

Satan: So, you whizzed on the electric fence, didn't ya?

(The background flashes with fire and fades to black)

Commercial Jingle: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!

(Episode Ends)

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