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Stimpy's Invention (transcript)

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(Scene opens with Ren sitting on the couch reading a newspaper, "Dance Of The Hours" plays)

Stimpy (offscreen): Hey, Re-en!

(Ren trembles being put off on hearing Stimpy's voice)

Ren: What?

Stimpy: (he's holding a box in his hands, smiling) Will you help me try out my new inventions?

Ren: Go away, I'm busy!

Stimpy: Come on, Ren! I need your help! Oh PLEEEASE!

Ren: Huh? Uh, all right, all right, sure.

(Stimpy perks up smiling excitedly at the camera, it fades out to the next shot of Ren's face; cut to a full body shot of Ren, who appears to have a telephone head attached to his head tied with elastic and a block of cheese on one end. A fanfare plays.)

Ren: All right, Stimpy. I'm losing my patience! Let's get this over with!

Stimpy: Ahem. Ladies and gents, I give you... the Cheese-O-Phone! Now we can talk to cheese, anywhere in the world, regardless of their foreign tongues! Uh, go ahead Ren. Say something in... Limburger.

[Stimpy gets hit in the face with the cheese and the phone receiver lands in front of him, jingling still.]

[Next, Stimpy is seen digging through a box that says 'Invinshins', Ren is standing a few feet away behind him, still not impressed.]

Ren: Will you hurry so I can finish my paper? (He frowns)

Stimpy: (finally gets up and shows Ren a tiny little remote) Check this out, Ren. It's a remote control shaver. Now you can get a clean, close shave, without even being there! Ob-ser-uv!

(Stimpy presses the little button; the sound of a buzzer is heard)

Ren: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You- (pauses as part of his belly fur is shaved away. The rest is shaved and then he turns around as his back is shaved. Stimpy plays around with the controls for a bit more, then Ren walks on screen with most of his fur shaved off.)

Ren: Yooooouuuu!

[Stimpy holds up a box and presents it to him, all wrapped up in a ribbon]

Stimpy: Here, Ren, for yooou!

(Now all of Ren's fur is back on.)

Ren: Oh. What is it?

Stimpy: Go ahead, open it!

[Ren does so, taking out a pair of socks]

Ren: What are they?

Stimpy: They're my latest invention. Stay put socks, they never fall down.

Ren: Say, now that's a good idea! Especially for those of us who don't wear clothes! (jumps into socks with squishing sound) Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

Stimpy: They're full of glue!

(Glue bubbles over the edge of the socks. Ren's mouth collapses, then he grimaces and starts sweating and shaking furiously)

Stimpy: I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here, I'll go get the stay put hat and raincoat!

Ren: (Trying to grab at Stimpy, furiously frantic) YOU FILTHY SWINE! I WILL KILL YOU!

(He grunts and strains but only knocks the super-heavy socks over. He grunts and twists on the floor for a bit until Stimpy comes back to no avail)

Stimpy: Say, what's the matter, Ren? Say... you don't suppose... He's unhappy? I know now what I must do. I must use my gift of invention, to save Ren.

[Stimpy looks on sadly at his friend, and bites his lip.]

[Establishing shot of the door to Stimpy's laboratory; colors flash and a montage is shown of Stimpy toiling away; wearily turning a dial, determinedly waiting for any results to come from his machines. He's shown at his desk, soldering at something. He pauses and pensively puts the soldering iron on his tongue. We see him do something with a beaver and a duck, but it's not quite clear what he's doing to the poor creatures. Whatever he does, he looks quite pleased with it... until it comes apart at the seams. Stimpy's face falls. Fade to same establishing shot, and Stimpy is still in the lab, working. Some of the same shots from the previous scene play. Cut to a scene where Stimpy is sweating all over. He unscrews one of his goggles lenses and drinks from the sweat collected in it, then screws it back in.  Finally, Stimpy perks up.]

Stimpy: Eureka!

[Back in the sitting room, Ren's continuing with the paper he was reading earlier, "Dance Of The Hours" plays again]

Stimpy: (offscreen) Re-en! *he gets startled again from hearing Stimpy*

Ren: WHAT?!

Stimpy: *sympathetically with his lips sticking out* Are you feeling any better?

Ren: (mockingly) No I'm not feeling any better. *suddenly ponders* Wait! What are you up to?

Stimpy: [innocently] Oh, no-othing. *with his hands behind his back slowly rocking with his hips back and forth coyly*

Ren: What have you got behind your back? (gets off the couch, folding up the paper, ready to whack him with it) You're hiding something from me... aren't you? What is it you're hiding? All right let's see it! Okay, hand it over!

(Stimpy looks knowingly at the audience, jumps into the air and slams something down on Ren's head. It looks like a cross between a toaster and something out of 'Flash Gordon'. "Night On Bald Mountain" by Modest Mussorgsky starts to play as Ren feels the big metal helmet on his head)

Ren: Hey! What is this thing? (tries to pull it off his head) Get it off of me!

Stimpy: It's the Happy Helmet, Ren. Now you'll always be happy! And this is the remote control. And I use this dial to control how happy you are!

Ren: Youuu SICK little monkey! Why I oughta- !

Stimpy pushes a button on the remote control and Ren freezes as a buzzing sound is heard. His mouth curves into a smile and he tries to fight it. "Flight Of The Bumblebee" plays

Stimpy: Hey, it works! *pushes the button again.*

Ren: HEY! WHAT'S- HAPPENING- TO ME?!

(Stimpy cackles madly. Ren's mouth is forced into an even bigger smile and Stimpy laughs harder)

Ren: No! Got to fight it! Can't lose control! Will strong.... body weak.....(Stimpy laughs harder still...Ren's mouth snaps into a huge grin and he laughs insanely)

Ren: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, ha ha ha ha! Stimpy, I'm so - happy! I must - go *has the word "go" in his mouth, he moves rapidly with every word* - do nice - things! Hee hee he hee hee, ha ha ha hahaaaa! *walks off; In doing this, his entire body turns except for his head, then juts out his chest before taking any steps. Later on, he is seen at an ironing board, still grinning away,* So - happy - ironing... for STIMPY! Ha ha ha ha ha haaa!

[Ren holds up a newly ironed pair of underwear off the board and gives it to Stimpy, who places it just over his crotch with a shiny effect all over him like a cheesy 50s film strip as he walks off.]


[In the bathroom. Stimpy's stinky litterbox is nearby]


Ren: I - must do - wonderful things - for my best - friend - Stimpy! (sees the litterbox and puts his finger on it) OH - JOY!!! HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAA!!! (picks it up and carries it over to a wastebasket) See how I love to clean - filthy catboxes! (Starts cleaning out the catbox, laughing insanely all the while)

[Ren in bed with posters of sickeningly, frighteningly cute, fluffy animals and happy smiles all around him. A crash is heard with some beeping. Ren's eyes crack open. Stimpy pulls up in a yellow car outside their house, he has a bike horn on his head attached to a helmet, he honks it again. He appears at the door, before opening it]

Stimpy: Oh Re-en! I've got a surprise for you! Hey... maybe Ren is somewhere being sad! I will make him happy again!

[Stimpy grabs the remote and pushes the button. Ren sits bolt upright in bed] 

Stimpy: Re-en, oh Re-en!

[Poor Ren appears at the foot of the stairs, still with the huge smile on his face but completely and utterly miserable; he lurches towards Stimpy to try and strangle him but the helmet isn't letting him do so.]

Stimpy: Boy, Ren, if you think you're happy now, wait'll you hear this! It's a record of my favorite song!

  • The cover shows a Burl Ives like man on it*

[Stimpy goes over to a gramophone]

Stimpy: It's called "Happy Happy Joy Joy'!"

[He places the record into the record player and a guitar chord starts up after a few seconds] 


Man on the record: Hello, boys and girls! This is your old pal Stinky Wizzleteats! This is a song about a whale! (Stimpy pushes the button and Ren assumes a dance position)

Man on the record: NO! This is a song about being happy!

Stimpy jumps into place, they both do a little bob up and down with their knees bending a little to the tune, one friend at a time, both grinning away

Man on the record: That's right! It's the happy happy joy joy song! *They both look at each other smiling*

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[Ren and Stimpy both do a "jello thrusting" movement*]

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[They both hit their butts together four times]

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[They both do a little physically impossible skip on the spot]

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[Followed by a little hop on all fours till they go offscreen]

Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!

Happy Happy Joy Joy *they both repeat the routine again*

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy (Stimpy is seen on his own doing a little dance, his teeth all buck like and whacky)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy

If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars! And the little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny. A fly marrying a bumblebee... I'd told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me, why didn't you believe me?!

(At the last part Ren bounces into the kitchen. He rummages through a drawer and pulls out a hammer)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

(Ren starts smashing the hammer over his head whilst Stimpy is still dancing)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

(Ren's still smashing...)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

(...while Stimpy is doing a dance routine on the floor, his glutes going left and right whilst he's on his back, Ren is still smashing away)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy...

(Ren smashes the helmet faster to the beat of the song)

...joy joy joooooy!

(A ticked off Ren stomps over to Stimpy and grabs him around the neck just as the songs ends.)

Stimpy: Ren, you're... you're angry?

Ren: You're darn tootin' I'm angry! I have never been this angry in my entire life! (starts shaking until he looks like he's about to have a seizure when suddenly he stops) Hey... I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy!

Stimpy: (astonished) Happy to be of service...?

(Iris out of Ren grinning evilly, and his crazy, maniacal laughter is heard)


THE END. 

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