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Insomniac Ren (transcript)

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Ren: All right, Stimpy, I got a 6 AM tee off time tomorrow, so let's get to bed. (toilet flushes) You hear?

Stimpy: Okay Ren. (whistling)

(creaking) (sprang!) (sprang!) (sprang!) (mirror breaking)

Ren: (angry) Whatever it is you doing in there, stop it~!

(Banging) (water sound) (telephone ringing) (farting sound) (cranking) (pulling sound)

Ren: (frustrated) That's enough hygiene for one night! I'll give you to the count of (holds up two fingers) three to get in bed! (faucet sound, water sounds) One, two, three! (Both are perfectly asleep until Ren hears a sound)

Ren: You didn't jiggle the handle, did ya? Get back in there and jiggle it!!

(hair clips falling in bed)

(Stimpy jumping like a dog, fluffing pillow, and pinching pillow as singing)

Stimpy: ♪ a la la we~! la la la wa wa wee~!♪ (goes straight to bed) (kicking cover as chanting) wa wa wa wa wa wa!

Ren: (furious) FOR THE LAST TIME! I WANT YOU TO BE QUIET! (Stimpy is quickly asleep and Ren gets furious looking at the audience)

(Time has passed (it is now 11:05), and Stimpy is making quiet sounds as he's sleeping) (Ren is sleeping until Stimpy snored)

(Stimpy starts making loud sounds that annoy Ren)

Ren: That's it. NOT TONIGHT~! (fighting sounds) Snore your way to that!

(Once again, Ren is asleep until Stimpy starts making loud sounds that annoy Ren)

(Ren takes the cover and his pillow to the living room)

Ren: (in his head) ah, peace and quiet. So very...quiet...You can hear nothing drop.

(clock ticking)

Fly: WHATT~!

(song plays, TV static, same thing in a close-up of Ren's eyes until TV turns off)

(Ren is back in bed, then thinks)

Ren: (in his head) Sleep....Maybe I'm too smart to sleep. (with cruel smile) Yes, that's it. Stimpy's asleep...and he's a eediot. Look at him.....soo peaceful. Dreaming in his sleep..stupid...Dreaming in his sleep...

(scene fades to Stimpy's dream)

(Stimpy is nursing five kittens and little Ren needs space to get nursed so Stimpy makes little Ren nurse his finger)

(they are fine until Ren appears inside the dream with a golf hat and an golf club, tapping Stimpy)

Ren: (annoyed) What is this? 

Stimpy: (sadly) it's just an dream Ren~.

Ren: (angry) How am i supposed to sleep with all of this peaceful dreaming going on?

(kittens crying)

Stimpy: (worried) you're scaring the children Ren~.

(Ren in the dream punches Stimpy in the gut until real Ren tells Stimpy to wake up)

Ren: WAKE UP! (Stimpy wakes up)

Stimpy: (Tired) What's the matter Ren~? Uhh, can't ya sleep?

(Ren nods sadly)

Stimpy: You want me to help you get to sleep?

(Ren nods again)

Stimpy: What you need is a warm glass of milk! Don't go away!

(Stimpy opens the refrigerator door and see three cockroaches playing solitaire until one cockroach gets annoyed)

Cockroach: Hey you moron! What's the matter with you? Were you born in a barn? Get on outta here you! (Stimpy gets annoyed) and get some milk! (closes door)

Stimpy: Here you go Ren! This'll do the trick!

Ren: Hey! This isn't some crusty formultle science fair milk, is it?

Stimpy: Oh no, Ren. It's (expressingly) fr~e~sh! You crazy yo~u~!

Ren: (gulping) Hey, it's working! I'm half-asleep already! Hey, give me another.

Stimpy: Oh, abuela! (a camel comes in and sneezes into the cup)

Stimpy: Hurry Ren~! While It still has (expressingly again) fizz~!

Ren: BLEAH!

(Realizing it's (camel saliva), Ren throws up on Stimpy.) [it's really funny]

(It is now [1:20] and Stimpy checks on Ren with an weird face)

Stimpy: Waoooo~. I know Ren. I'll read you a (pulls out a book that says "POE") story!

Ren: A story~?

Stimpy: It's my favorite book.

Ren: O-kay~.

Stimpy: (reading) One upon a time, the sky (turning into the devil) (demonic voice) cracked as blood!

(It turns to [3:00], [5:01], and Stimpy is still reading the story)

Stimpy: (Still reading) And the last word he spoke as his head rolled across the form was....(screaming) RRRRRRROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!! (normal voice) and they lived happily after ever. Good Night Ren~. (Ren is gone) Ren? There you are. Aren't you asleep yet? (Ren punches Stimpy in the face)

(Ren is back in bed and his eye pupils look like bacteria)

Stimpy: Well, I, guess I could sing you a lullaby.

Ren: A lullaby~?

Stimpy: Yeah! That''ll work! (playing instruments wrong as singing) ♪Rock-a-bye baby~! When the wind blows! on the treetops! Whack-a-doo, Whack-a-doo, Whack-a-doo-doo-doo~! Battle hit the bang and the spider sprouted out! a boom boom boom and a bang bang bong! Aboyaboo~! Yah Yah Yah!♪

(A time card says "Hours Later" with musical notes)

(Ren is crying and Stimpy is singing tiredly)

Stimpy: (tired) Whack-a-doo, Whackable, Whack-a-doo-doo.

Ren: (sadly) That's beautiful.

Stimpy: A buh-buh bish...ran away~. with the (really tired) spoon~. (snoring)

Ren: (crying) Ah, Hey, don't stop. It's working.

(it is now morning and Ren couldn't sleep the whole time. Ren looks at the clock and it's 6:00AM)

(Muddy, Mr. Horse, and Haggis are waiting for Ren by the window)

Haggis: What are you doing in bed Höek? We got the deal off in ten minutes!

Ren: I'm sorry fellas. I-I haven't have too much sleep lately. heheahahehe~.

Muddy: Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive?

Mr. Horse: Let's get outta here.

Ren: Wait. I'll give (pulls money out) five whole bucks to anyone who could knock me out.

Stimpy: (excited) FIVE BUCKS?!

Trio: FIVE BUCKS?!

(pulls out golf clubs)

Ren: ehehehehehe~! (Insanely) Nighty-Night!

Haggis: Forrr~!

(banging sounds, all four leave with money in their hands)

Muddy: Gotta work on that slice.

Stimpy: (at front of the screen quietly) Shhh~, Ren's taking a coma. (sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing)

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