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A Hard Day's Luck (transcript)

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(animals making noise)

(sparkling)

Haggis: Oooohh, Marvin!

Marvin: Duh, yes Mr. Haggis sir?

Haggis: Uh, help me with my hair.

Marvin: Ah! (whimpering, tape rips) Ow!

Haggis:(slap, sliding) Oh, what I'd do for ma own locks.

|Marvin: Duh here is your breakfast Mr. Haggis. It is your favorite.

Haggis: Oh boy! (cereal pouring, plastic pack thuds) Hmm..

(fly buzzing)

Marvin:Duh "Magic Leperachaun Charm. Just Add Water"! (spits)

(Deep rumbling, poof!)

Leprechaun: Top of the mornin' laddies! Say, nice palace ya got here sonny. You know what they say, "It's a dirty hand that makes a clean home".

Haggis: Ahh! It's a foreigner! Throw him out at once!

Leprechaun: Wait! But I'm a magic leprechaun! I can grant you anything you wish!

Haggis:Give me a flowin' mane of me own locks, right now!

Leprechaun: All right all right! I'll grant you your wish, but only if you can first pass a test..IF your man enough.

Haggis:Oh, yeah? I can pass any measly test! You got yourself a deal!

(Arm cracking, Marvin whimpering)

(Haggis and Leprechaun yell)

Leprechaun: And now for the first test, baldy. Can ya keep your temper?

Haggis:Huh! What temper?

Marvin: Der, yeah! He is always mad!

Haggis:I..I..!

Leprechaun: If you fail, the big dumb houseboy is mine. Let's begin!(snaps finger)

Marvin: Click! (operatic record plays)

Leprechaun: Once upon a time, there was an ugly little Scotsman, who was very angry.

Leprechaun: He only had 3 sons.

Now the first one, he done ran away and went to live on.. the mooooon!

Where he was very happy.

Now the second son ran away to live in a crack in the blarney stone.

And it was a very comfy home indeed.

And finally..

The last son ran away to live inside a cave.

And he invited all his friends..

Who all had a big party.

And they all lived happily ever-- uh, happy, uuumm..Oh yeah! They all lived happily ever--

Marvin:Ah! Duh one nation unguarded for which it stands!(shillelagh bonking)

Marvin:Ooh! Ow! Dang! That hurt, I think! Do it again! More!

Leprechaun: Er, whenever your done you can hand over that houseboy.

Leprechaun: Oh alright, i'll give ya another chance to win your wish, in a test of generosity!

Leprechaun: But if you fail... you must give me everything you own.

Haggis: Why i'm the generous being in the hole-

Clam: Help! Oh help please! I need some bus fair, to get back to the ocean, can you please spare some change?

Leprechaun: It's a wee price to pay, shiny!

Clam: (inaudible dialogue)

Haggis: What am I doing?

Haggis: The buses are not running today

Haggis: Try flying!

Clam: (laughing)

Haggis: (laughing)

Leprechaun: I, such generosity.

Leprechaun: Welp, you got one last chance to win your wish!

Leprechaun: If you can pass, a test of courage!

Haggis: Courage! Throw me to the lions! I'll slay any dragons!

Leprechaun: Then prove to me that you're not afraid of..the dark!

(Later)

Leprechaun: Now remember the rules! If you can last more than a minute down there, you win. But if you looose..the shillelagh is mine!

(Later in the well)

Haggis: Ha, courage. Afraid of what dark?

(Thud)

Leprechaun: Here have another egg! (Marvin farts)

Haggis: Well uh, at least there's no snakes.(blink, blink!)

(dice rattling)

Haggis: Well then, certainly there are no monsters?

Marvin:(belches) He, he, he, he, he, he, he!

(belching above well) (Haggis' eyes shaking)

(imaginary monsters growling and moaning)

Haggis: Ooooooohhhh....

(lights match, silence)

Real Monster:Hey buddy! Got a light?

Haggis' Brain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Haggis' brain yelping)

(gunshot, Haggis whimpering)

Leprechaun: Tisk, tisk, tisk, so close.

Leprechaun: Well, i'll be taking that shillelagh now! Come on

Haggis: OOOHH No..not my shillelagh! Oh please don't make me..don't make me...cry!

(bawling)

Leprechaun: ALL RIGHT!! SHUT UP!!!!

Leprerchaun: Very well, a leprechaun has got his reputation uphold. It's okay, ye can win. (Haggis gasps happily)

Leperachaun:Take this lucky bean! Eat it, and you'll be granted your wish.

(Haggis gobbles, Hair growing)

Chorus: Hallelujah! Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

(Haggis laughing)

(laughing continues, explosion in distance)

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